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Read the Amazon and Barnes and Noble reviews!
Visit the News and Articles page for
more commentary on Sex and Sensibility, and for more articles by and
about Debbie Roffman.
Tamara Kreinin,
President and CEO, Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United
States (SIECUS):
"Deborah Roffman has skillfully taken the essentials
from her sexuality education classes to help strengthen the dialogue between
America's parents and their children. This is required reading for both parents
and teachers on this important subject." |
Joseph DiPrisco, co-author,
Field Guide to the American Teenager:
"If you are shy about
having the so-called sex talk with your children, or worried you have missed
your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Deb Roffman gives you everything you need
to get over it. She provides you the tools to shape a developmentally
appropriate conversation, not to mention the encouragement and confidence to
put this book down and knock on your child's door right now!" |
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The Barnes and
Noble review (by Kate Montgomery)
My three-year-old knows
there are certain words that are inappropriate for him to use, words like
"stupid" and "idiot." Whenever he hears them, he is proud to proclaim, "That is
not a nice word." The other day, however, he overheard a conversation about the
sex of a baby and promptly informed the speaker that "sex" wasn't a nice word.
Since we have certainly never discussed "sex" with him, we had to wonder where
a three-year-old, without older siblings or playmates, picks up an idea like
that! What should we, as parents, do about it? We wouldn't want our child to
grow up thinking that sex was inherently bad, but isn't age three a little
young for the birds and the bees? Deborah Roffman, a certified sexuality and
family life educator, addresses this and countless other issues of pressing
concern to parents who want to raise sexually healthy children.
The
book is built upon a set of six basic beliefs:
- Sexual knowledge is good for our children.
- Too little sexual knowledge too late should be our
concern, not too much too soon.
- Sex means more than just intercourse.
- Values education is at the heart of sexual education.
- Sexuality means more than just sex.
- Parents and schools have a moral responsibility to
educate children about sexuality.
The author writes about each of these issues persuasively
and with precision. As she does so, she emphasizes the practical steps parents
can take and the simple conversations parents can have that will help steer our
children toward healthy sexual development.
Throughout the book,
Roffman emphasizes the power language has to influence and mold our thinking,
and she offers language to help readers rethink sexuality. For example, to use
the word "sex" to mean only intercourse implies that the same responsibilities
do not necessarily apply to the whole range of other sexual behavior -- a topic
quite relevant even to presidential politics in the '90s. She points out that
"sexuality" involves more than just a broad view of "sex" and includes health,
values, intimacy, sensuality, gender, and development. Although the emphasis on
exactly which words to use may seem trivial to some parents, the author's
discussions of why particular words and phrases are unhelpful contain very
practical information and advice for the parent or teacher struggling over what
to say and how to say it.
Despite the serious and potentially
uncomfortable topic, Roffman uses an efficient, conversational tone that gets
to the heart of the issues and takes time for a laugh or two. As she explains
that she never set out to be in the field of sex education, she writes, "In one
recurring nightmare, I run into an old boyfriend from college. When he learns
what I do for a living, he can be heard laughing uncontrollably. They finally
have to sedate him to get him to stop."
This is not an encyclopedia of
facts about sexuality -- the reader will not find out how long it takes to get
a 100 percent accurate result from an HIV test. Instead, Sex and Sensibility
attempts to help us reshape the ways in which we deal with our children, from
toddlers to 20-year-olds, with respect to sex and sexuality. It offers ways to
see, ways to listen, and ways to talk and behave so that our children learn how
to make wise and happy choices about all things sexual. --Kate
Montgomery
Amazon.com's Review (by Jill Lightner)
Is
there any topic more controversial than the sexual education of our children?
Parents worry about telling too much or not enough, schools are restricted in
what they're allowed to discuss, and kids are filled with a combination of
surprising misinformation and depressing detail on disease without ever having
been taught about the possible benefits and enjoyment of feeling comfortable
with their bodies.
Deborah Roffman, a longtime teacher of sexual
education for both children and adults, has assembled a thorough book that
attempts to address moral and physical issues for every age. The Thinking
Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex is decidedly not for those whose sex
speech begins and ends with "just say no."
Roffman's take on sexual
education is that it is a lifelong exploration that should encompass changing
cultural values and an individual's personally evolving ethics as well as the
practical facts of proper health care. Put plainly in one section's title,
"sexuality is about people, not body parts." Including a discussion of gender
roles and history, and appropriate levels of information for everyone from
toddlers to teens,
Roffman attempts to cover all the bases with a mix
of theory, historical perspective, personal stories from her own classrooms and
kids, and practice questions and situations that parents can eventually expect
from their children.
Breaking down this complicated subject, she
identifies five core needs that all questions fall under: affirmation,
information giving, values clarification, limit setting, and anticipatory
guidance. This last category relates to parents' ultimate goal of making
themselves "dispensable," secure in the knowledge that their children have been
raised with all the information needed to make the right decisions for
themselves--decisions that will result in a sexual health that blends their
emotions, minds, and bodies with ultimate success. --Jill Lightner |
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